For Better or Worse - Navigating Divorce at Work

For Better or Worse - Leadership Challenges when Navigating Divorce at Work

In my experience, divorce sits right next to death. It is, in fact, a form of death. Divorce mandates the end of one existence and the beginning of another. Creating a new reality after relationships and families have separated requires the same effort. And yet, in business, we rarely acknowledge the amount of emotional turmoil people who are going through a divorce experience.

Maintaining professionalism and composure at work is hard. There is no shortage of faux pax's people unexpectedly find themselves in. But, for better or worse, I have significant experience in this arena, and I feel called to offer best practices for anyone navigating this challenging ordeal.

This article addresses two of the most important aspects of maintaining a professional façade while you trudge through the internal healing process required after a divorce. The highest priority is handling communication in your work environment — followed closely by the most common pitfalls to watch out for. Healing is the next task. However, this is not the platform to unpack how to handle that stage.  

When it comes to communication, the phrase I teach, which applies beautifully in this situation, is to let all words sift through the filter:

Is it TRUE, Is it KIND, and Is it NECESSARY? 

Keep your communications as pure as humanly possible.  

Let those in your immediate sphere of responsibility know that you are experiencing a traumatic situation. Because you will have bad days, you will break down, be distracted, have sadness or anger leak out, and the rollercoaster you are on will take time to slow down. Giving your team a heads-up allows them to support you, offering grace and empathy instead of judgment when your emotions are out of whack.  

Complaining and badmouthing others shows more about the person speaking than the person being slandered. For those in leadership, you are an example and promote the culture inside your company. So how can you share with your colleagues that you are experiencing significant emotional trauma and stay in a respectful light? Tell the truth about your situation, communicate the highest level of information, and only repeat when necessary.  

I've had friends who developed health issues due to the stress endured during a divorce. In this instance, what is necessary to communicate is the health issue - not the cause. If a tearful breakdown occurs, say in a meeting, being truthful about your delicate state is valid. Telling the story circling in your head that caused the tears is not.  

Containing your communication to true, kind, and necessary things creates safety in the work environment. It allows co-workers to empathize with your situation while being spared the unnecessary gory details.  

Now the fun part - let's shed some light on the most common pitfalls people who are newly divorced step into. The first can be considered re-initiation. For the first time in a long time, divorcees experience FREEDOM. Without the boundaries and patterns built into established relationships, a seemingly average human can flip the table and "go off the rails." 

Philandering, flirting, excess drinking, or a combination of these is all too normal. Although this may be considered part of the healing process*, it is crucial that you maintain a separation from work colleagues outside of work. The classic saying "Don't mix work and pleasure" needs to be upheld regarding physical attraction. First, because 'rebounds' are real, and second, it clouds and distracts everyone involved from important business operations. I have much more to say about this. However, what is necessary is to understand the immense negative impact a poorly placed comment or gesture can have on your career.  

The next major faux pax is getting stuck believing that this pain and discomfort will last forever. I promise you. There is light at the end of the tunnel. For a while, the emotional rollercoaster will seem uncontrollable. A tactic I've used is to recognize and experience the emotions like a wave. They hit, crashing into you, sometimes knocking you down or being caught in the undertow, but eventually, they subside. No one ugly cries forever.  

When we feel stuck and helpless in a disempowered state, it is easy to make irrational decisions. Unfortunately, choosing to move away from fear or pain will never get us the results we want. More often, the outcomes add to our unsatisfying experience. So be aware of your mindset. Instead of spinning on the sad stories, ask yourself, "What lessons am I learning" and "What will it look like on the other side?" 

This, too, shall pass.

And on the other side is a new version of yourself, hopefully, one that is wiser, more kind, and more connected than ever before.  

If you would like help navigating the healing process please reach out. Bonfire has tools and strategies that help you focus your intention on what matters most, reducing some of the unnecessary pain inherent in divorce.

Call or Text: 713-332-3858 | Email: Hello@bonfirecoaching.com

By: Hannah Wilner