Learn the 4 Levels of Active Listening to Increase EQ

Active Listening levels and behaviors

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Increase your EQ by learning how to listen effectively.

Active listening is an essential soft skill that we're not taught in school yet has the greatest impact on our relationships, at work, at home, and withour community.  Healthy communication requires having a give and take in the conversation.  There is an art to listening that will set you apart by increasing your EQ. 

Professionally speaking, it is important to understand the different levels we listen through, as well as the behaviors that display our active engagement in a conversation.  All people want to be seen and heard, it's one of the uniting qualities of humanity. And likewise, all humans have also had an experience where they did not feel either. Such as being spoken AT rather than being spoken TO, or being with people who prefer monologues over dialogues.

I want to make sure you have a resource to 'know better, so you can do better'. 

There are 4 levels to listening, and to our communication. To become a master commmunicator you must understand and be able to navigate between these levels:

1. Internal (immediate) reaction

2. Details

3. Concepts

4. Observer

The first level of listening comprehension is so important it actually distinguishes our degree of emotional intelligence.   Before our mind can fully interpret the words we hear or read, our body has a reaction to the incoming communication.  The first thing we listen to is our own physical response - on an energetic level - whether we like or dislike what's being said (or read or seen).  When people 'feel triggered' it is the physical response they sense before their mind creates meaning of the words.  Having awareness of this automatic system allows you enough time to make the choice Stephen Covey touts in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: "Seek first to understand, then to be understood". 

How aware are you of the immediate physical reaction you experience when talking with people?  Are you able to catch an immediate defensive response and disarm it into curiosity?

Next, we listen to the details that are being communicated, what I call the weeds; people, places, things, and events.  These are important, however when we get stuck in conversations that are limited to this type of information, we miss out on creating deeper relationships.  Yes, the details matter, however the stories people exchange are actually conveying a concept or pointing to a more generalized topic. 

Listening for concepts hidden inside the details will set you apart.  This level of comprehension shows that you are able to conceptualize the entirety of what's being said rather than being confined to the seeming importance of each trivial point. 

An essential behavior of active listening is asking clarifying questions and paraphrasing what you hear.  When you feedback the concept of what's being communicated, you are showing that you see and hear a person’s deeper intent, thereby seeing or hearing them more fully.  This is how you participate in the give and take of healthy communication.

The last level we can listen to is to witness the situation as an observer, to listen for the 'higher order' of what's being said.  When we can witness the situation not from a personal (or personally attached) angle, we can we can observe the deeper needs or themes a person is talking about. As a coach, my value lies in being able to hear (and feed back) what themes, lessons, or needs are coming through the communication. Taking the micro to the macro.  Not everyone needs to access this higher order of comprehension, however if you are aiming for an executive position, or are in one currently, expanding your ability to stand back and observe from the highest level allows you to demonstrate impressive cognitive reasoning and intellectual capacity.

Overall, as you are developing the soft skill of active listening, remember there needs to be healthy exchange back and forth when communicating.  Ask the person you're speaking with for permission to clarify what you hear.  Practice becoming aware of your physical responses to the communication you're exposed to.  And above all, give yourself grace to continue learning and developing.  We are all a work of art in progress.